Take Difficult Decisions, OR stay stuck.

Life is pretty much about making difficult decisions. A lot of times in our lives, we are faced with circumstances and situations that require us to take decisions, decisions which are very hard to take. And unless we take them, the circumstances never change or could even be worse.

I knew it would be difficult when I decided to end my marriage 4 years ago, what I did not envisage was the incredible drama that came with it. I never realised that no matter how polite, pleasant, enduring and matured you are in a relationship, leaving it would only be matured, polite and enduring when the other party also believes in the same values.

I always believed that if we could get married in love, we could also get separated or divorced in love, with respect, understanding and maturity. How wrong I was. That experience left me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and an unending chatter in my head that kept screaming ‘if I knew divorce was not as pleasant as marriage is, I would not have got married’.

Before pushing for the divorce, I was haunted by a lot of fear bothering on unpleasant consequences that could arise from it. But I was lucky enough to focus on what I wanted and where I was going rather than the consequences of deciding to leave the discomfort zone, I was in.

I got my divorce, thus closing a chapter in my life and opening another, and I haven’t looked back ever since.  Not because I am not afraid, sceptical, unsure, or confident of what lies ahead of me, but because I knew where I was, is not where I wanted to be.  I do not think I have never been afraid of making difficult decisions, I have had to make them for as long as I can remember. I have grown to understand the importance of making decisions no matter how difficult, no matter how painful.  Hence if I had remained, it would have been a difficult decision regardless. So, I chose the latter.

This clip is from my presentation at the Aspire for Equality Conference in October 2020

Many people find themselves stuck between choices and alternatives or none, thereby remaining stagnant. It feels pretty much like a tub filled with dirty water. Unless you pull the plug, you are stuck with that dirty water. The only thing that will make you move forward is making that decision to pull the plug and empty the tub. And unless you make that decision, you are bound to remain stressed, unsettled, uncertain, distracted, torn and stagnant.

You see, you cannot live a truly fulfilled life without making difficult decisions. I believe learning to make difficult decisions with little or no stress, anxiety and fear is a survival skill that we all must acquire.

Sometimes, people remain stuck on decisions due to certain factors like the financial implications of it, the effort it will require, the impact of that decision to others, social pressure, the sacrifice it will require and the consequences of it.

However, what we need to understand in every life situation is that we cannot predict or control everything. The only thing we can predict, or control is US and how we react to situations and circumstances.

The most important thing about making difficult decisions is ensuring that you have scheduled time to thoroughly think about it quietly, between you and yourself repeatedly, and process it, then talk to someone you trust about it.  You must however remember that it is not everyone you can confide in, therefore you must choose your confidant wisely. Most importantly you must learn to trust your instincts; they never fail.

Unmade decisions always feel like a chaotic tornado raging through our heads. The more unclear the answer get, the more the tornado intensifies. The more the tornado intensifies, the more you need to intentionally clear your mind, bring it to peace and clarity using your intuition as compass. Most times, the problem is we are often looking for direction in all the wrong places, whatever guidance, and direction we require is often within us, unheard and undiscovered.

You must not underestimate the importance of sitting down with yourself and thinking it out whenever you are faced with making decisions. The impact and significance of searching deep inside you and listening to yourself is priceless, that is the only way and time you can hear your heart, wisdom, and counsel.

While at it, you must remember to be as honest with yourself as possible about your options and choices, understand fully your values and let them guide you in making the decisions based on what you want most.  

Fear is the greatest of weakness, and it plays a very big role in decision making process. Most of the time, we are often held back by the fear of imagining the worst of outcomes instead of the best of outcomes. You must ensure you do not let fear interfere in your decision-making process. Let love push and lead you, not fear.

Life is not always a picnic; hence storms will always come. When they come, we must learn to live through and survive them.

We must acknowledge and understand our dark moments and learn from them. This is very important because going through life’s difficulties and pretending we don’t is just avoidance which will lead us to living in denial. We cannot stop the storm from coming, but we can decide to not be defined by them. And that is what makes the entire difference.

Tarry not any longer, make that difficult decision.

Everything is going to be okay.

Published by jiddare

Multimedia Journalist. Feminist Social Enterprenuer Anti PA Campaigner Publisher: www.sheroes.ng

2 thoughts on “Take Difficult Decisions, OR stay stuck.

  1. Niz write up. I know so many people passing thru same problems when they stumble on dis article will definitely make a decisive decision not to go back. God bless u ma I am grateful. I had already made up my mind long ago not to go back. The peace, joy n rest of mind dat I av now s ok bcos I can now concentrate more on building myself mentally, physically n spiritually. Thanx ma once more

    Like

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