Time Is Nothing; Feeling Is Everything

Today 22 years ago, I lay sleepless and anxious about what I do not know. I could not point a finger on why I could not sleep. I laid in the dark, with Maiduguri mosquitoes buzzing and whining away trying to find their way through the net to suckle me. I remember hearing the cooing of an owl from somewhere within the woods. I was restless, and why I was; I had no idea. The only thing I knew was that I couldn’t wait to see you, to look into your eyes again, to nestle in your warm embrace. I had got used to sleeping with your shoulders as my pillow, sleeping with my head on a pillow other than your shoulders was not something I was used to.  I was sleep-deprived since you left.

So, I laid on the bed wishing for dawn to break so I could begin my journey back. Mama’s call asking me to return has unsettled me greatly, but not seeing you for days and the thought of seeing you has to override that. Little did I know I would be sleep-deprived for a long time to come.

I was up and ready by 5.00am and was in the park before 6.00. As the car drove the distance, all I could think of was YOU. I arrived home, and events began to unfold. My entire life crumbled in an instant, I felt lost and helpless. I didn’t want to live, but you kept telling me NO. It was not until then that a lot of our conversations made sense to me. The things you told me, the lessons you unknowingly taught me, the strength you unconsciously built in me.

It’s 22 years today, yet it still feels like yesterday sweetheart. The pain is still fresh, the grief is still raw, the vacuum is still wide. Even though I have grown, learnt, and survived, I still feel lost without you.

This article was first published on 8th August 2021 on dladyofmyseteries.blogspot.com

Published by jiddare

Multimedia Journalist. Feminist Social Enterprenuer Anti PA Campaigner Publisher: www.sheroes.ng

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